Most of you out there know that I can't have kids. For whatever reason, that is the path God has chosen for my life. While that is a very hard reality to face, My hubby and I plan to adopt when God allows. That being said, I have many conversations with people about not having children. Sometimes the things I hear from people really blow my mind.
The most recent conversation I had was with my family doctor (who's been my doctor since I was six) and therefore should have a pretty good idea how much the thought of being a mom means to me. I was explaining to my doctor how hard it is emotionally to deal with not having children, especially in a time where the majority of my friends are starting their families. While I know that God is working out a perfect story of how our family comes to be, it is still hard watching everyone around me start their families. Anyway, I was blown away when his response was one of relating all of it to money. He started telling me about a good friend of his who could never have children and how he had just taken his wife on a vacation (to some tropical place that I can't remember the name of) and how they had front row tickets to all of the shows and how if they had had children, they wouldn't have all that money to do those things.
I just sat their with a blank stare on my face thinking "does he really think I care about money and vacations? I just want to be a mom." I'm kinda blown away with people thinking that I (or any other childless woman) really would rather have money for extravagant trips than a child, or two or three. :) I didn't go into it with him anymore. I just let it go and left the office shaking my head. I'm glad that conversation wasn't the purpose of my visit to the doctor, or my money would have been wasted.
So the moral of the story is: No amount of money could replace the longing to have a child of my own. But I also know that God has a special story waiting to be unfolded and I will adopt children one day. I also know that it is okay to grieve my loss when I need to. And, until my own children come along one day, I will spoil everyone else's and love them like my own!
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3 comments:
I am not saying he was right. But, maybe what he was trying to say in a not so tactful stupid guy way, is that you can enjoy other things that you wouldn't be able to with kids. Like I said I am not saying he was right. Just a stupid guy. Besides at least for this season in your life you can enjoy going to the movies on a whim. Or out to dinner anywhere without thinking about if they have a good kids menu. Or leaving town for the weekend without any planning or extra potty stops. You can sleep in until 11am on Saturdays. Ohh that one I miss.
My point is, enjoy this time in your life, just as if nothing was different than anyone else in the beginning of marriage. God will bless you with your family when he is ready just like he blesses every mom when he is ready.
I don't think you can really appreciate NOT having to think about babysitters, sick children, date nights, vacations, and restraunt excursions until after you've had children.
I hear your heart.
We named our first baby, miscarried early on, Asarelah which means Contentment. That's what the Lord was teaching me and AJ at that time, contentment.
I'm so glad for Asarelah to remind me that His way's truly are perfect - not necessarily painless, but perfect none-the-less.
One day at a time Diane. You will look back on this time in wonder if you take one day of trusting him at a time.
Love you.
My sweet friend...Praise God that you are choosing to trust Him when life is not what you always thought...He is sooo good and Faithful and yet it I would emagine would be so very deeply hard to be forced to face a new path and way of thinking...facing the future. My prayers are for you and the strougles of waiting and trusting with a joyful heart as each new day comes. I love you D. If I ever get there and can have kido's if you don't beat me to it.."being a Mom"...I sure would love to have you spoil mine. My guess is that you will beat me...but if not...PRACTISE LOL!!! That is what Nick says when I look at Britt and then at Him with that "you know what" look...LOL I love ya. See you when I get back home aye pal?! =)
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